Aasta 2018 English Sissejuhatus Teooriad

Sven bear dealing with mental health with ERASMUS+

As surprised I am, I was in Saaremaa with Erasmus+ project and dealing with mental health. The topic that doesn’t come up if there is not a personal connection with it. I was before joining the group of Estonians very sceptical about the project and a little bit cautious about how I deal with the mental health myself. Sametime I have to say that after ten days all my problems were lifted away some way. Even then, now I know at Discussion festival wasn’t so easy as I hoped after a happily rough week in Saaremaa. Discussion festival first day happen 10.08 at Paide, the centre of Estonia. But all was cool even then, and all went as it meant to be going.


Now back at home I still thinking about our little trip. I think it because I must, and want to write about a little bit, like an overview of it. In Estonian overview, I made already to publicly available. This international overview will be in English. My general point will be the same as Estonian blog post, but in details, I have changed bit and pieces to give a more personal touch to this blog post.

Thankful Sven bear

I am very happy that my laugh and smile was the very essence of Saaremaa’s life too. And I am also very grateful to our Latvian friends who gave me a nickname – Sven bear or just a bear.

I have to say in here actually I have written now one song more – The Care Bear song. I hope I can put this song demo on this blog next week. So, you as a blog reader must wait a little bit more to listen to my new hit song about a bear of your life.

My secret and not so secret letters. 

After all these ten days I am happy that my secret friend reviled herself in a letter to me. Thank you very much for these small and not few letters to me. Yes, very true is also that I am very happy that everyone who wrote to me had a good time. Thank you very much!

Moments in work

As the project needed we all had to do one project as a team. I chose the social media team, where we tried to solve the false advertisement of/and social media. We saw and still see that there are so many pictures that do not show the reality behind the camera. So, we created # campaign behind the filters and digital posters about that kind of problem. We wanted that people be aware of the mentality of different pictures.

To me was this project a very good time for myself and, I could edit our photos with Adobe Illustrator to the intensive artwork of mental health. As I said before to me was the project more than work, it was an eye-opening experience. I afraid very much personal questions about myself and my likings. But then I discovered that we all had some issues to cover up and, I saw that I could be myself very first time after a long period of time. Working with our subproject itself was a good expression for us and to me as editor. I am previously worked with different illustrations and digital works. But also, in this computer that I was using wasn’t installed Adobe Photoshop, then I solved the problem with Illustrator that is as good as Photoshop if we want to do good quality posters for example. I am very thankful for our team that made possible our photos as well.

mental helth

My feeling about my own mental health. How I see mental health itself too. 

Meditation at the end of the emotion

At the end of the third day, we had meditation. I put the very essence of these days with the fourth day into poem or limerick verse. I tried to capture my own experience as a creative way of thinking. Also tried to show my affection, even then I knew that was not going that way I wished in my head. But it is all right because all of us were so cool with me. To me, it is very important to know that I am not mathematically null set in space between somebody.

The pressure in my veins

I lay on the ground,
Every sound made me cry.
Feelings go to over well,

And pressure is still in my veins.
Darkly hours we meet our beds,
Everything’s seems to be nice to have.

Even in the sleeping in the bed,
I felt the angst in my wrist.

Wake up, wake up,
I dream in my brain.

Then stand up
and wash your soul
with warmly soap.

We settle restrictions that make no sense to all of us.
Even if all most all of us are timely precise.

Ruin it all with lately thought
And hear the voice of punishing far away enough.

Be a Cartesian or the earthly wounded mind,
and then float like a ferry
on the shimmering river.

That’s why you see in the joy of pain
every flickering reason in the brain.

Now I lay on the nightly ground,
Looking stars heavenly on the sky.

Seeing deeply on the day in the trusting eye,
It almost made me also cry.

I saw one of us have alienly lively eyes,
Even if there are also slightly bitterly eyes.

At the beginning of our trip to Saaremaa, I had a very awful meltdown. I felt how every muscle in my body was grumbling to pain. But then one of our group hold my hand and all it was like slowly going away. But I saw many of us had their own pain itself, who had a headache or just feeling alone or depressive. So, I tried to be for them if it was needed and listening to them as I could and answer their question.

Alienly lively eye.

To my own pain was relieved when I had to draw one of the girls and, I could draw an eye of very cool man. I called his eye “lively alien” because it was to me like the iris of the eye itself was very pure as a colour and intensive that wasn’t sad or happy, it was just peacefully sitting there to somebody to see it as I do. So, at the start of the drawing, I was sceptical that why I had to do it now. But when I had drawn some lines on the paper I felt that I am happy again, I am peaceful now and all other thing doesn’t matter at all. Of course, I rationally knew that I had limited time to do all these drawings but even then, it paid off very well.

Secrets of friends

I noted that we had also some conflicts and some issues with love. But at the end of the day, we had a joyful day together. We had also some gossip between the groups, but I hope that everyone didn’t felt down by that, because at the end of these days we do not remember our thoughts or words, but how we felt about each other. So, please also forgive me, if I had ill will or I offended somebody by my very big mouth. (I’m sorry if I offend you by writing this blog post, I just express myself as truthfully as I can.) I think we all thought that we some way or another gossip is bad for the group, but then we felt that it isn’t bad too if anybody doesn’t take it very seriously. According to science, we can say that gossip is one glue between group natural behaviour that allows keeping the state of mind. Gossip is basically the root of flower that allows growing and same time hold it on the ground.

Writing a birthday pop-song (+ listening fragment of it too)

I also wrote together others a pop song for a birthday. I had a good time to do that. I had also a very good editor, who looked over my lyrics, and two wonderful guys to do melody to the song. I came song idea because one of us was birthday and just previously I wrote a limerick about my four days. Then we printed out lyrics and sang the song to the birthday guy. I got knew birthday kid before by just walking with him I think one kilometre to look a countryside in Saaremaa.

Be my friend

I didn’t know you before at all,
Then we took a long walk outside those walls.
I´ve judged a book by it’s cover before
But then you changed my mind for sure

Ref: Eighteen, nineteen, twenty,
You’re no longer a kid anymore
Eighteen, nineteen, twenty,
Now you’re not a teenage boy.
Eighteen, nineteen, twenty,
You’re no longer a kid anymore
Eighteen, nineteen, twenty,
Now you’re not a teenage boy.

Be my friend,
Who teaches me fairness every day and night.
Be my friend,
And let it go its own way.


One outcome in the project: social media campaign draft

The social media project that I choose we made the photos and edit them to correct format. I tried to give like a polaroid looking to our posters. Then is can being more youthful and darker to influence more people to join the # campaign also that we created.

Learning to trust me

I didn’t trust myself so much before than after the project itself or at the end of the project. So, I wrote at the end of ten days a limerick in Estonian and in English (read it here – Brix thing) about project coordinator. I hope she liked our little surprise for her. We collected red cents into the jar to show that she will be rich and Limerick was to show importance to us and fun about our Saaremaa trip.

At the end of the Saaremaa mental health project, I hope to meet each other in future too.

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